On the 20th of April 2012 my dad past away. His sickness and death made me indescribably
sad. I had lost my best pal in the world, and could not imagine how to live without him.
My son, who was at that time half a year old, as well as my husband and my work forced me
to carry on and stay positive.
But sadness and anger found their way. There were times when I saw fathers with their daughters,
and I felt so jealous and angry. A side of me that wasn’t pretty at all.
For that I hated myself, and felt disgusted with my outlook to the world.
Now time has past, I’m glad and thankful that feelings and thoughts have changed.
Having some of my dad’s nice stuff in our house, going through pictures and notes, I have found
many ways in which I still can be in touch with my dad.
I’m thankful that the anger has past. When I now see a father with his daughter I can be sincerely
happy for them, I know how it felt, and can enjoy the richness of memories we share together.
I feel inspired and happy to be able to create many new good memories together with my son,
who is now 2,5 years old. This is the way of life.
One of the best things I did last year was making a drawing of some of the stuff I got from my dad.
It forced me to take time to grief. To feel sad in between working and caring for my little family.
There it was that for the first time I discovered that some kind of dialogue still was possible
between me and him.